awe, look at this cutie!!!!! <3

mmm i <3 him so flippin much!!!

[	mood	|	chipper	]
[	music	|	TATU	]

i like him a lot.

he makes me seriously happy, for real.

<3

NEVERMIND. I'M A FUCK UP, I'M NOT GOOD FOR ANYONE AND I'M AN EMO FUCK. YOU ALL, WHOEVER READS THIS SHOULD FORGET ABOUT ME. I DONT DESERVE TO BE HERE. LET ME DIE, NO ONE DESERVES THAT MORE THAN ME. NO ONE FUCKIN CARES.

DDDEEEPPPRREESSSSIIIONNNNNN.

I TOLD HIM HOW I FELT... AND ALL MY STRESS HAS DISAPPEARED IT WAS AN AWESOME OUTCOME. LETS SEE WHAT HAPPENS IN THE FUTURE, WEEE!!!! <333

[	mood	|	calm	]
[	music	|	VH <3	]

yesterday was amazing...

so me and my parents drove all the way to upstate and i love car rides so much, i got to think about everything and listen to half of my binder full of cds... i even ran out and listened too freakin DMX lmao, yeah wow. So i def. thought about everything in my life... all my boy problems, friends and such, i also thought about kids names hahaha, i forgot them though. I enjoy annoying my parents so much that i had to scream sing too them. i took a picture on the way and some of myself. We got there and chylled for a little then we saw my aunts hopefully new house... its so cute and natural and she has a hot tub. so major partayyy up in redneck ville yo! lmao. i met up with my old close friend Chris and we went swimming in the lake and talked and had a grand time.. we sun bathed on the dock in the middle of the lake and he knows im going through rough shyt so he held my hand and smiled at me... it felt really good to know i have people here for me. Then we took a ride in his jeep with his roof off and we listened to Bob Marley, i closed my eyes and raised my hands and i felt like i was flying, it felt really good to be alive. oh and plus we went jetskiing : ) then i got dropped off at my aunts apartment and we all went too a really awesome resturant on the water and the jet skiiers and boats were really close too us, i want a jet ski really bad!! my dad said maybe we can get one if we move to north carolina after i graduate, we're gonna go to belmar and rent them hourly. SWEET, i love my dad, hes so amazing and i miss him so much when he works for days on... i wore my underoath shirt that me and lys are sharing because we feel like having a sisterhood. <3 it was a great day in that shirt... i didnt fall asleep in the car ride home.. i listened to Vertical Horizon and cried because my life is really good but i look at it as really bad, im gonna turn it around.

today was the camp meeting for 3 hrs at frogbridge, it was really gay but i behaved myself. Kristens going to the camp now YESS!!! and fran,yelena,gabby,heather,jackie,and evan were there, so it was okay. New people, new guys... i dont even care anymore.i might hang out with Brandon tonight if we can, i miss him so much and he knows me so well its pretty scary. We havent hung out in like almost a year but he always tends to pop back in my life every other month or 2. he made me really happy and safe, hes the best and will always love him no matter what, even if stuff didnt work out last summer... we stayed really good friends : )

i love my friends more than life, thats the one thing im sure about.

[	mood	|	complacent	]
[	music	|	underoath	]

So today is friday, and it was wonderful... had a half day because of senior prom, i hope no one gets pregnant lmao.

so i had a break down after school and i hurt my knees pretty bad when i fell to the floor, i hate being so god damn emo sometimes or bi polar, i dont know whats wrong with me, whatever.. i'll pull through; i always do. But yeah, Lys picked me up to go to the mall and it was pretty fun... saw lots of people like Jill and her friend Ariel (sp?) saw some gay people and a few aquantances... mhmm i saw *jake,john,john,jess,jenna,yelena,kat* and then we chylled with Tom a little bit and his brother and their friends... i made Tom cry by accident.. im sorry : / but he should learn whats good and not. yeah, i met someone named Tim and he was cool. Tom told him i thought he was hot and i got totally embarrassed. So we walked around... i got an UnderOath shirt and the worker in Hot Topic was reallly hot and he wore make-up. WHOA!! : ) we ate and talked and met up with Steve and Jonner (lys's boyfriend) yeah it was mad akward but they were good. just Steve is mad at me i think... but whatever, he has a girlfriend and i knew brittni (sp?) and him would be together anyway... so what the fuck ever man. yeah then Steve drove me and Lys too the movies and those 2 kids were making out and yet again... it was really akward lmao. so we got there and got our tickets to see sisterhood of the traveling pants... then jonner calls lys and her keys were in his pocket lmao, i dunno how they got there... but they did. so she met up with him in the lobby and we then watched the movie.. it was amazing, we both cried.... we also have a new sisterhood. "Under Our Oath" yeah, we're best friends so its just rad, okay? lmao. yeah, we saw frank at the movies and i saw Kayla's boyfriend Jimmy and chatted with him... i approve, hes a good kid. So yeah the movie ended like at 12 something so we just took pics and played in the rain/puddles until my dad picked us up and he too her home, i love my dad... but i can tell hes falling apart and shyts changing : ( i hope hes okay. so yeah, im home now talking to Kyle Gatlin<3 from indiana, hes so rad : ) and thank you mark for making me feel 67890765432 times better when i was crying my face off, your amazing too. yeah i g2g <3 xoxo

[	mood	|	confused	]
[	music	|	alexisonfire	]

life has been doing okay!

nothing really new with school. its almost over and i am pretty damn excited... i've been sick lately and its not a cold sick... i hope i get better. but yeah steve came by to get his stuff and his girlfriend or girl w/e was in the car. it was pretty damn akward like we were meeting for the first time again. hmph, w/e. i got so pissed off before because i think people dont really care for me.. they just keep me around because i make them happy or feel loved and i am that type.. but i get nothing in return and its starting to hurt me. bleh. butt me and ryan are best friends and it seems like nothing happened. im so glad!!! i can talk to him about anything and everything woohoo! hmm i love my friends a lot but i dunno i just think a lot are taking advantage of me.. w/e. i have a few crushes here and there. thats cool lol. hmm not much else to say except i have a half day tomorrow who wants to parttyyyy????

[	mood	|	content	]
[	music	|	underoath	]

So life has been pretty damn good.

yesterday was pretty tight. i went to my cousin/friends house for a little bit for their moms birthday... then i got home and went to the lake with a bunch of cool kids... went swimming and stuff, hung out. it made my day. then i came home and chylled... talked to some people.. Kyle slept over and he made cupcakes, burnt his arm and i saved him. thats rad, hes the best brother in the world. <3 bffae... fun times

today me and ryan made up and he accepted my apology, fun times! so now we're best friends again and i'm pretty happy. i went into ny today for a docs appointment then came home and kyle came over to jam out on his guitar and i sang his lyrics... i had an amazing time. im prob. gonna start up with guitar again so i wont have so much shyt on my head and worry all the time.. heh. yeah i finished some homework and hanging out <3 i absolutly love my friends soo much!

i have a crush on you<3

~Sydnie Rebekah

[	mood	|	crushed	]
[	music	|	underoath	]

So yeah, everything has been going amazing until last night.... but friday was so much fun. It was marielles sweet 16, i saw so many people. OMG mike was there, i havent seen gim in god knows how long. it was so nice seeing him cause hes such an awesome person. Lys was like in love with the dancer and danced with him all night... yeah it was cute, but i kinda danced by myself. lol mike danced with me too one slow song. it was fun! i hope we get really close cause i knew him since 7th grade and we hated eachother but its all good now aha. I saw joe, sarah, marielle, dave and met some cool people. it was an amazing sweet 16. so yeahh, then i slept over lys's and we talked all night and stuff and it was real fun lol... we woke up and ate then hurried rele fast because my mom came. so we went to my house and my cousin jeff was over. yeah they were flirting all night and when i was changing he kept like knocking. hes such a pervert and asked me personal stuff i wouldnt tell a cousin, but it was funny and distubring cause lys was whipping him on the butt with a belt. heh... yeahh lol. and then we went to prince of peace and it was ok, not the best. my whole school was practically there and we chylled with joe and lys/his friend kyle a little bit, i also saw justin. Sara also came and it suprised me.. good times! lol i also saw Joe, hes pretty rad. he sticked around for like 5 min lmao, oh well we'll chyll oneday heh. so yeah.. me, lys, jon and tom walked to the pizza place and walked and ate cause my mom was coming and joe got a free slice of pizza lmao. fun times. so yeah we left at 8:30 and thats when jon came bacl haha, oh man. but yeah, my legs were shot and we just relaxed with the cousin until they left. now me and lys are watching a cool movie yo...

but the worst part, Ryan practically hates me now and we're not friends anymore. im just so stupid and retarded and i say shyt i dont really mean and it turned into "him wanting to be alone." so yeah my hearts broken because he was my best friend and was always there for me. he also put up with my shyt for so long. this hurts so much and now i  have to say his name as "ex best friend" i hope we become friends again... i need some time too i suppose, im just so down right now and no one seems to give a crap about me even though i make so many people happy.. its not fair, i hate this.

~Sydnie Rebekah

[	mood	|	crushed	]
[	music	|	head automatica	]

my dad is seriously an amazing person... hes been there for me so much and i love him. he has been taking care of this family for so long, he put up with me and my moms bullshit forever. He is my best friend and i barely see him, he works to hard and i am really scared that it will all catch up to him. i almost lost him a few times but i can never ever be mad at him. i really want to be young again and where i was the age of really not having friends so all i did was hang out with my dad. hes one of the strongest people i know and he always makes me laugh. i love how he makes fun of me and when he makes fun of my guy friends lol.  i really never see him, its been like more than a week. He works really hard at saving lives. he needs a break, someone should save his life because i can see that hes breaking down and falling apart... he gives me good advice and takes me anywhere i want to go even if he walked all night and day. He never complains and always tells me to do the right things.<3 

So today was okay, its been gloomy forever and i feel extremely bleh and what not. Mark and myself have been texting back and forth basically 24/7 and its been wonderful. i hate how he lives like an hour 1/2 or 2 away, i really want to see him <3 maybe one of my friends can help me out?!?! : ) it be muchly appreciative and i would be your slave for all time. i'm really sad today and its about one person... it hurts a lot and i cant control it : / but mike from long island drove here to keep me company and talk to me... hes the bestest!!!!! we're getting rele good friends and its fun. but yeah im hanging with some friends now and their being amazing as always. woo! ok g2g

i miss you <3

~Sydnie Finegold